Perfect on Paper: When Doing Everything Right Gets in the Way of Health

It’s been some time since I last shared an article here. When my husband and I relocated across the state in May, I assumed the pause in my writing would be brief - just a few weeks to settle in. But the return kept slipping further out of reach.

At first, I told myself I simply needed more time to adjust, that I didn’t want to publish anything that felt rushed or incomplete. But the real reason was more complex: I wasn’t short on ideas or motivation, I was stuck in the grip of perfectionism.

Perfectionism doesn’t always present as relentless drive or overachievement. Often, it hides in the spaces where we stall. It tells us to wait until we’re fully rested, perfectly prepared, completely in control. And while we wait, things begin to stagnate.

In my clinical practice, I see perfectionism surface in many forms. Some clients meticulously restrict their diets in pursuit of unattainable purity. Others delay movement or self-care because the circumstances don’t feel ideal. A few avoid supplements after reading that “real food should be enough,” even when nutrient absorption remains a persistent challenge. These behaviors are rooted in good intentions, but over time, they can lead to depletion, paralysis, and chronic stress.

In this piece, we’ll explore how perfectionism shapes not just our thoughts, but our physiology, behavior, and choices. It often becomes an autopilot mode - guiding how we react, cope, and move through the world. We’ll delve into its psychological origins, the toll it takes on well-being, and most importantly, the compassionate tools that can help break the cycle and foster sustainable change.

Understanding Perfectionism

Perfectionism is often seen as a personality trait - common among high achievers, meticulous thinkers, or those known for their discipline. But in clinical settings, it’s more accurately understood as a coping mechanism: one that frequently develops in response to uncertainty, early criticism, or environments where love and approval felt conditional.

From a psychological standpoint, perfectionism is closely linked to cognitive rigidity, an overactive threat response, and prolonged activation of the sympathetic nervous system. Put simply, it keeps the body in a state of vigilance - perpetually bracing for something to go wrong. Over time, this anticipatory state can have real physiological consequences: irregular cortisol secretion, disrupted digestion and sleep, and the gradual depletion of key nutrients like magnesium and zinc, which are consumed at a higher rate during periods of chronic stress.

The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model, an increasingly recognized framework in therapy, coaching, and mind-body medicine, offers another perspective. In IFS, perfectionism is viewed as the voice of a protective internal “part,” a subpersonality whose sole mission is to prevent harm. It operates under the belief that if everything is done exactly right, pain and failure can be avoided. Often, this part forms early in life - during illness, circumstantial instability, or even emotional neglect - when control became synonymous with safety. The challenge isn’t its intention, which is inherently protective; it’s the unrelenting nature of its vigilance, and the impossibly high standards it imposes.

Unfortunately, this cycle can become biologically self-reinforcing. Chronic stress drains the body’s reserves. Depleted nutrients reduce physiological resilience. Lowered resilience amplifies anxiety, and with it, the compulsion to control. What began as a strategy for safety can, over time, undermine the very stability it sought to protect.

But there is hope, and agency, in recognizing this for what it is: not a fixed personality flaw, but a learned pattern. And like all patterns, perfectionism can be witnessed, questioned, and gently reworked. With curiosity and compassion, it is possible to loosen its grip, and restore a more sustainable sense of ease and safety in both body and mind.

When Doing Everything Right Goes Wrong

Client names have been changed to protect anonymity.

Perfectionism rarely announces itself outright. More often, it hides in careful choices, rigid routines, and hesitant decisions that, while well-intentioned, gradually begin to interfere with healing. At the heart of these patterns is a common desire: to do things “right.” But when “right” becomes unattainable, health can really suffer.

Elizabeth came to me with persistent digestive distress, anxiety, and clear signs of nutrient depletion - findings echoed both in her lab work and her doctor’s concerns. A committed vegetarian for years, she had recently reached the painful realization that her diet was no longer serving her health. Together, we mapped out a gentle transition: reintroducing nutrient-dense animal products while phasing out the anti-nutrient-rich plant-based proteins she had long relied on. She agreed, in theory. But in practice, her insistence on sourcing only the most ethically raised, regenerative meats left her with too few accessible options, especially on a limited grocery budget. Despite her sincere values, perfectionism had narrowed her choices to the point of nutritional standstill.

Sandra, another client, was dealing with fatigue, brain-fog, and severe premenstrual distress. When reviewing her food intake, I noticed a total absence of seafood and algae. Asked about it, she explained that a documentary on mercury exposure had prompted her to cut out all seafood - a decision made about a year earlier. But now, she was facing severe iodine deficiency and an imbalanced omega-3 to omega-6 ratio - two key drivers of thyroid dysfunction and inflammation. Her caution, once protective, had crystallized into all-or-nothing thinking.

Owen, a first-time father in his early forties, contacted me in a state of exhaustion. He was catching colds frequently, sleeping poorly, and struggling with stubborn midsection weight gain. A model of discipline, he tracked everything - diet, sleep, fitness, recovery scores, etc.. From the outside, it looked like he was doing everything by the book. But his labs told a different story: elevated cortisol, and a classic “four lows” mineral pattern - low levels of calcium, magnesium, sodium, and potassium - often seen in chronic stress and burnout. When his recovery metrics dipped, his instinct was to push harder. More training. More restriction. More discipline.

The shift came when we redirected his attention from the numbers on his wearable devices to the signals from his own body. He began paying attention to his fatigue, to how hunger changed when he slowed down, and how deeply his energy responded to nourishment and rest. We added rhythm, not rules; space to recover, not just to perform.

These stories are not isolated.

There’s the person who avoids the gym until they feel “in shape” enough to go. The mom so focused on feeding her children “perfectly” that the pressure weighs on her, and the entire household. The health-conscious individual who attends every webinar, reads every label, yet feels completely paralyzed by conflicting advice.

In each case, the pursuit of purity (the perfect diet, the flawless routine) becomes a closed loop. One that reinforces rigidity, fuels anxiety, and distances people from the true foundations of health: consistency, sufficiency, and self-trust.

Letting go of perfectionism doesn’t mean abandoning standards. It means learning to recognize which efforts nourish, and which deplete.

Adjusting The Goal-Post

After we moved, I imagined I’d slip right back into writing these newsletters. I’d moved house before - I thought I knew the drill. But between unpacking boxes, managing a real estate project, and supporting clients, I stalled.

It wasn’t for lack of ideas, it was the belief that if I couldn’t do it properly, I shouldn’t do it at all. That if it couldn’t be thoughtful, thorough, and polished, it wasn’t worth doing. I had slipped into the very perfectionist mindset I so often help others navigate.

Eventually, I made a decision: I will write when I can. Perhaps not every week, but consistently enough to stay connected - to you, and to this work. I would meet my real life, not an idealized version of it. And that’s the spirit I want to offer here: a model for forward movement, even when perfection feels out of reach.

The Inner Work

Earlier, we touched on Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the idea that perfectionism is not a personality flaw, but a part - an internal protector shaped by early experiences. Here, we’re going deeper: into what this part needs, and how to shift its influence.

Perfectionist parts usually have noble motives. They want to keep us from failure, judgment, or shame. They often formed in environments where approval was conditional or where unpredictability made control feel like safety. These parts tend to speak in absolutes: Don’t start unless you can do it every day.
Don’t eat that unless it meets your highest standards.
Don’t share anything unless it’s polished.

When you notice that voice, don’t override it. Instead, ask: What are you trying to protect me from? Is there another way I can stay safe and still move towards my objectives?

This self-inquiry softens the rigidity and helps bring more grounded parts of you forward - the ones that can make flexible, skillful choices.

The Outer Work

Small Steps, Big Impact

One of the ways perfectionism quietly derails us is by convincing us that only grand, sweeping efforts count. But in reality, small, consistent actions create far more impact than occasional heroic ones.

Take habit stacking, for example - a simple behavioral psychology tool popularized by James Clear in Atomic Habits. It works by linking a new behavior to something you already do automatically. Stretching for a minute or two right after brushing your teeth may seem trivial, but the brilliance lies in the repetition. Brushing your teeth becomes the cue. The behavior becomes automatic. And the perfectionist part of you no longer needs to negotiate whether or not you have time for a “real” workout. When we lower the barrier to entry, we create space for momentum.

Good Enough is Great

Many clients struggle with food decisions that are tangled in perfectionism. One common example: the belief that if they can’t afford or access regenerative, pasture-raised meats, they should avoid animal protein altogether.

Nutritional science, clinical research, and decades of population data consistently show that conventional meat, even from the supermarket, is far more beneficial than cutting out meat entirely, particularly when it comes to reversing nutrient deficiencies. Animal proteins offer highly bioavailable sources of iron, zinc, B12, and essential amino acids - nutrients that are extremely difficult to replace with plant-based alternatives, especially in those with absorption issues.

While sourcing ethically-raised meat is an admirable goal, it doesn’t have to be a barrier to reintroducing animal foods into your diet. In my clinical practice, I’ve seen significant improvements in energy, digestion, and hormonal health when clients simply begin eating meat again, often starting with what's available at their local grocery store. For those looking to balance quality with affordability, speaking with your local butcher can be a great next step. They can often provide guidance on better cuts, sourcing options, and budget-friendly choices that align with your values and health goals.

The same logic applies to seafood. Avoiding fish entirely out of fear of mercury may seem prudent, but it often backfires. Long-chain omega-3s, iodine, selenium, and high-quality protein are vital for cognitive, metabolic, and thyroid function. In fact, research shows that when we’re deficient in these minerals, our bodies are more likely to absorb and retain toxic metals - a phenomenon called “ionic mimicry” (I write more about this here). Accessible options like canned sardines, mackerel, or a simple seaweed salad can offer powerful nutritional benefits - without requiring a perfect sourcing story or a premium price point.

Trust Your Body’s Signals

Perfectionism can sometimes show up in our relationship with health data, convincing us that we need the most advanced tools to truly understand our bodies. Continuous glucose monitors (CGMs), fertility wearables, and tracking apps can be very useful - especially during the learning phase. They help connect the dots between lifestyle habits and physiological responses.

But the real goal isn’t to rely on devices indefinitely; it’s to develop body literacy. A CGM, for example, can teach you how specific meals, stress patterns, and sleep habits impact your blood sugar. Over time, you learn to spot the signs of dysregulation without needing a screen: irritability, a racing heart, crushing fatigue after meals, or shakiness. These symptoms are your body’s way of asking for support. And with the right tools, you can learn to stabilize your blood sugar and avoid these symptoms altogether!

The same principle applies to fertility. While high-tech wearables abound, a thermometer and paper chart can provide remarkably accurate insights into your cycle. Once you learn to recognize signs like cervical fluid changes or subtle shifts in temperature and mood, you no longer need an app to tell you where you are in your cycle.

Become the Person You Want to Be

Perfectionism often focuses on outcomes. It convinces us that we’ll feel okay only once we reach a goal, earn approval, or get things exactly right. But a more lasting and meaningful approach isn’t about checking boxes; it’s about living in a way that reflects who we want to be, day by day.

As Brené Brown writes in The Gifts of Imperfection, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing we’ll ever do.”

That process, in real life, often starts with values. In coaching, this might look like helping someone name what truly matters to them (ex. connection, honesty, creativity, consistency, etc.), and then shaping daily habits around those priorities.

Dr. Russ Harris, a physician and psychotherapist known for his work with Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, talks about the idea of values-based living. The shift happens, he says, when we stop asking “Am I doing this right?” and start asking “Is this helping me become who I want to be?”

Avoid the Trap of Endless Learning

For many of us (myself included), learning feels like progress - and often, it is. But it can also become a subtle form of delay. Another course, another podcast, another webinar… all in the name of “better understanding.” At some point, though, more information stops bringing clarity and starts fueling paralysis.

Psychologist Barry Schwartz, in The Paradox of Choice, warns that too many options often lead to inaction. In coaching, we call this intellectual procrastination - the polished version of avoidance. Tara Mohr, in Playing Big, names it a “hiding strategy”: a way we shield ourselves from the discomfort of imperfect action by staying in research mode.

The solution isn’t to stop learning; it’s to recognize when learning becomes a stall tactic. Healing and growth come from action: small steps, honest feedback, and the courage to adjust along the way.

If you find yourself stuck in study mode, try this:

• Choose one idea you’ve already learned, and apply it this week.

• Create space for reflection after the action, not before.

And ask yourself:
What am I ready to implement, even if it’s not perfect?

Pre-Commit

Still, it’s worth acknowledging: not every health effort can be improvised. Some interventions, like a SIBO or candida protocol, or a therapeutic elimination diet, do require focus, consistency, and discipline. When that’s the case, the most supportive thing you can do is to prepare your nervous system and your life for the commitment ahead.

One useful tool here is pre-commitment. In behavioral psychology, pre-commitment refers to the act of deciding in advance - before the moment of friction or temptation - what you’ll do and when. That might mean scheduling a protocol start date after travel has settled, batch-prepping meals ahead of schedule, or simply telling a trusted friend or practitioner what you’ve committed to. The act of pre-committing shifts the burden away from willpower, and anchors it instead in intention and concrete planning.

There’s no shame in waiting until you have the bandwidth. Planning for success is more effective than forcing it!

Begin Where You Are

Healing isn’t about perfection. It’s not a checklist or a straight line. It’s a living, breathing relationship - between you and your body, between data and intuition, between effort and ease. And sometimes, the most empowering thing you can do is begin before everything feels "just right."

If you’ve been feeling the pull to explore deeper healing with skilled, personalized guidance, I currently have two offerings available:

🌿 The Better Health Bundle
A comprehensive assessment for those seeking insight without a long-term commitment. This includes one functional lab of your choice, a full blood chemistry review, and a strategic plan tailored to your physiology and goals. It’s an ideal entry point if you’re curious about what’s going on beneath the surface and want clear direction.

💫 Reclaim Your Resilience
A multi-month, fully personalized coaching experience. Together, we use a number of holistic tools and a collaborative framework to identify hidden burdens, restore physiological integrity, and rebuild a sense of vitality. This offering is designed for those ready to address long-standing challenges and invest in meaningful transformation.

Scheduling Note:
For those interested in functional testing, this is the final window to begin before fall. Most labs have a 4-week turnaround time, and the next openings to review your results will be in October. If you’d like to get started, now is the right time to order your labs and get the process underway!

If this has been on your mind, I invite you to reach out. You can fill out my contact form here.

It would be an honor to support you in this next chapter!

References

• Frost, R. O., Marten, P., Lahart, C., & Rosenblate, R. (1990). The dimensions of perfectionism. Cognitive Therapy and Research, 14(5), 449–468.

• Hewitt, P. L., & Flett, G. L. (1991). Perfectionism in the self and social contexts: Conceptualization, assessment, and association with psychopathology. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 60(3), 456–470.

• Shafran, R., Cooper, Z., & Fairburn, C. G. (2002). Clinical perfectionism: A cognitive–behavioural analysis. Behaviour Research and Therapy, 40(7), 773–791.

• Curran, T., & Hill, A. P. (2019). Perfectionism is increasing over time: A meta-analysis of birth cohort differences from 1989 to 2016. Psychological Bulletin, 145(4), 410–429.

• American Psychological Association (n.d.). Perfectionism. https://www.apa.org

• Richard C. Schwartz, Ph.D. – Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS)

• Tara Brach – Radical Acceptance and teachings on mindfulness and self-compassion

• Kelly McGonigal – The Willpower Instinct

• BJ Fogg – Tiny Habits: The Small Changes That Change Everything

• Charles Duhigg – The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business

• James Clear – Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones

• Pre-commitment strategies and habit design – tools widely used in behavior change and coaching

• Mozaffarian, D., & Rimm, E. B. (2006). Fish intake, contaminants, and human health: Evaluating the risks and the benefits. JAMA, 296(15), 1885–1899.

• Zimmermann, M. B. (2009). Iodine deficiency. Endocrine Reviews, 30(4), 376–408.

• [Your article on iodine deficiency] – insert link or citation here

• Wedeen, R. P., & Qian, L. (1991). Mechanisms of metal toxicity: Ionic mimicry and irreversible binding. Environmental Health Perspectives, 93, 61–65.

• Watts, D. L. (1990). Trace elements and other essential nutrients: Clinical application of tissue mineral analysis. Trace Elements, Inc.

• Patel, M. S., et al. (2017). Effect of wearable technology combined with a lifestyle intervention on long-term weight loss: The IDEA randomized clinical trial. JAMA, 317(4), 329–337.

• Admon, G., et al. (2022). Continuous glucose monitoring for lifestyle intervention: Emerging tools for metabolic flexibility.

• Symptom awareness and glucose regulation – based on clinical application of CGM data (e.g. Levels Health, Nutrisense)